


Twinkle, Twinkle I wonder what you are

by LornaD



Series: The Sandpit Series [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Gen, Humor, M/M, Other, all deaths are very PG
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-01-26
Packaged: 2019-03-04 10:41:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13362942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LornaD/pseuds/LornaD
Summary: This is an au of “On a morning in the future” in the Wish upon a star verse where things go pear shaped a lot faster





	1. Where the Kriff do we find that much Beskgan?

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Not My Berth](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12428262) by [Merfilly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merfilly/pseuds/Merfilly). 



> The Jedi council collectively lose their minds

The Jedi council after a year of war and with no end in sight decide that it would be a good idea to unleash Master Vokara Che. Master Obi-wan was the only council member that voted against this. When council meeting had closed Obi-wan comm’d Knight Skywalker, Commander’s Cody & Rex and asked them to meet him in the Clone Barracks Rec Room along with the full complement of the 212 and 501 regiment. Unfortunately for Knight Skywalker he had switched his comn off as he was planning to bump uglys with his delectable wife.  


.............................................................

Obi-wan as a council member had access to the un-redacted reports that detailed Knight Vokara Che’s previous mission. Using his Council Member access codes to obtain and display images, Master Jedi Obiwan Kenobi spoke at length regarding the likely consequences of Unleashing Master Che on the unsuspecting Republic and what it could mean for the GAR.

.............................................................

The stunned silence was broken only by sound of Arc Trouper Fives excited yell being cut off as he was tackled by both Medical Clones Kix and Helix who promptly stabbed him with a knock out drug. As the rest of the vode turned back to their General their faces pale Commander Cody asked the question that was in all their mind “Where the Kriff do we find that much Beskgan”

General Obi-wan then proceeded to lay out his plan for survival. Then aided and abetted by Cody, enthusiastically aided by Rex, Kix and Helix, General Obi-wan legged it to the Mandlorian systems with the Arc Troopers of the third army picking up Bo-Katan Kryze on the way. Obi-wan then had the Arc’s duct tape Bo to a spare seat in the command centre where he could keep an eye on her.  


.............................................................

When the various battleships turned up in orbit around Concordia Dawn, Duchess Satine Kryze made it clear she was not happy, neither were the Concordians. General Obi-wan however refused to respond until he had all interested parties in a conference holo. When they had finished shouting at him, he spoke the immortal phrase “the council have authorized Master Vokara Che to leave …………..”

This left Satine speechless as her mind shut down with the horror of what was about to be unleashed on the galaxy and the Concordians scrambling to find enough beskgan for everyone.  


.............................................................

When the entirety of the 212 and 501 battalion’s in addition to the Concordians and most of the battleships personnel had been outfitted with beskgan armour. A pissed off Fives , who had been kept in a medically induced coma since Obi-wans initial presentation on why the third army need to evacuate, was handed beskgan armour by a smirking Echo and Bo-Katan “ The General said” have fun and Don’t die”

Bo-Katan wound up marrying both Echo and Fives.  
“us Kryze girls have a type. Its Obi-wan. Echo and Fives together embody all that is Ob i-wan without the force” Bo-Katan  
Echo and Fives. “Obi-wan, Bo-Katan red hair”


	2. Eight months after

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kal Skirata needs to learn when to hold his tongue

Eight months after the Third Army’s strategic withdrawal to the neutral systems Obi-wan Kenobi Jedi Master is declared Mand'alor by the Mandlorian worlds due to a sarcastic remark one Kal Skirata made to a Concordian in a bar on Kebble…  
With the fervent support of the acting head of Clan Kryze. (Satine still hasn’t recovered from the news about Che).  
Mand'alor Obi-wan Kenobi makes a few small changes. The Pacifists are now defence and diplomacy masters, since the Mand'alor pointed out that war begins when diplomacy fails and is thus the first weapon a warrior should reach for. ……  
.  
The Mandlorians have also taken to the practice of Meditation with the zeal of the newly converted. Rako Hardeen is on record as saying that the Mand'alor’s comment of “If I am afraid to be beaten then where is the pride when I win”** really struck a cord with him when asked about his new meditation habit.  
The Dorian Sages have allied themselves with the Mand'alor stating that the Mandlorians are final achieving their potential due to the Mand'alor re-modelling their society based on the Jedi order. …………… Consular Sentinel anyone ……………………….

Jango Fetts DNA is steadily taking over the Mandlorians but under the names of Kenobi, Koon, Ti, Fisto, Unduli, Gallia, Di and Secura………As various vode take on the surnames of Jedi ……….  
Commander Fox and the rest of the clones assigned to Coruscant were kidnapped by Master Che when she left Coruscant and are quite happy reducing their stress levels caused by having to deal with the senate under Master Che’s guidance.  
Nobody is sure what happened on Tatoonie that caused all the Hutts to run for Nal Hutta but Walon Vau keeps trying to persuade Master Che to marry him to the irritation of Commander Fox and his men.

They don’t have a problem with Vau per say but Vau’s Strill keeps making nests in the armoury and other inconvenient places. It doesn’t help that the Strill then drags which ever clones show up first into the nest. Strill tongue baths are bad enough when in full armour.  
The Medics have taken to sedating Commander Fox to get him out of his armour since the Strill caught him coming out of the Freshers wearing nothing but a towel and this inadequate protection did not last long under Mirds determined desire to give the first clone (kit) it had caught a very though tongue bath. Consequently the rest of the clones won’t go anywhere in their blacks in numbers of less than six  


Mij Gilamar (when he could stop laughing) was rather worried about Kal Skirata, hitting his head against the nearest object every time someone mentioned the Mand'alor, it had to be doing some damage. Kal’s son Ordo might have tried to head butt a Wookie but Kal's head only came up to the chest on the Wookie. Still Kal did look a lot more relaxed after that fight. Poor Kal he loathes Jedi and he caused one to wind up Mand'alor.  
Vau wasn’t any help given that he mostly said only two words now. Listening to Vau say Che!, Mird!, Che!, Mird!, Che!, Mird!, …. nonstop got boring real quick. ………………..  
Satine still doesn’t know about this as her brain still hasn't re-booted from the Master Che leaving comment.

Finding the Zilio Beast was a stroke of luck, what with the MagnaGuard and Assassin droids having essential amino acids that had been missing from the beasts diet and making it cranky. Commander Fox now had a much better understanding of Vau devotion to Mird.  
The Medics are happy since Commander Fox and the other clones are now visiting the Freshers on a daily bases again, all it took was arranging the Fresher’s to fit Zil. Zil really seems to like both sonics and hot water.  
Mirds still building nests but nowhere near the fresher’s. Now if only they could persuade Commander Fox to stop sleeping on Zil.  
Master Che is happy about Zil as the clones were getting a bit pungent. Mird isn't a problem for her, she just use the force to redirect Mird to Vau. Zil loves his tiny soft shinys as they take it to places that have tasty, crunchy snacks and then theses liquids, purring and petting. Zil especially loves his little purry. Good job Fox doesn’t know that Zil thinks his snoring is purring. The clones all love Zil as its as good as a tank at destroying Clankers but much more fun. But the Battle droids do seem to be developing system errors whenever they hear the word fetch.  
Waxer and Boil Kenobi are resigned to the fact their daughter Numa thinks Uncle Fox and his pet Zil are the greatest things ever right after her Vokara Che doll .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> . ** Heather Dale quote “If I am afraid to be beaten then where is the pride when I win


	3. Flower power

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Interesting force side affects.

During her 9 months of destruction Master Vokara Che made some interesting friends in an Area of Wild Space . Weequay pirates are all terrified of said area due a pirate ship crashing there and the survivors getting a free ride from the local Space nomads known as the Hitchhikers.

Said Pirates thought that this was great as the Hitchhikers are the original space hippies, they wear clothes infrequently, and their ships are a twenty-four/seven party of drink, drugs and sex. Unfortunately for the Weequay after generations of this behaviour of bedding anything and any one that will let them, the Hitchhikers have developed an ability that causes the locals to use a ride with them as a guaranteed way to fix any fertility problems and to get pregnant. 

 

When the five survivors arrived at the station where Knight Vokara Che was, all four males were pregnant leaving only the single female untouched. Hondo Ohnaka was the only single birth among them. Knight Vokara Che was force to mediate when the Hitchhikers tried to apologise to the single female for failing to get her knocked up.

Let loose once more Master Vokara Che contact Hitchhikers before making the suggestion to Ki-Adi-Mundi that this might be the solution to the Cereans problems. Ki-Adi-Mundi and his wives were most impressed with the 9 males to 7 girls that resulted even if Cerean physiology into acted with the Hitchhikers drugs in odd ways.

Ki-Adi-Mundi was never able to look Master Yoda in the eye again after spending 36 hour treating Master Yoda like a plushie.

Yoda was embarrassed that no amount of glimmer stick would persuade Ki-Adi-Mundi to let go, not that any of the other Jedi had any greater success. And yes Ki-Adi-Mundi was one of the ones with a male pregnancy. The Hitchhikers were mortified that they’d only succeed in single pregnancies rather than their usual habit of causing litters. 

It’s not Mpreg per say just a very odd Force side effect.

One of the local force users told Knight Vokara Che “Since the Hitchhikers don’t charge for passage most people use them to get around, as long as you don’t take your bucket off outside of the visitors quarters and breathe the air you can normally avoid taking part in the orgy and thus avoid getting knocked up. Just stay in the visitors quarters and you’ll be safe enough.


	4. Paperwork  is of the Dark Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hiding out in Tatooine

Meanwhile the council and the senate are having trouble getting out of their offices due to all the paperwork that’s being generated. Eventually all the paperwork generated by Master Vorkara Che and mission to clean up the galaxy along with the Separatists one planet at a time caused the Senate to collapse down to the surface of Coruscant and the Temple to resemble one of those leaning towers. They not worried about the Chancellor after all the Chosen one and the senator for Naboo were with him when it collapsed and the rescue crews believe that is only a matter of hours before they reach the lower levels  


.............................................................

The rescue crews having reached the lower levels discovered a sink hole, with no sign of the Chancellor or any other Senator, other than a small group from the two thousand delegation huddled together in the shelter of a petrified tree.  


.............................................................

As the paperwork continued to arrive at Coruscant due to Master Che’s war on grime `cough Separatists’ more buildings began to either sink or develop lean’s.  
With sad hearts the surviving Senators made the decision to evacuate the planet.  


.............................................................

One bright spot was that the Jedi Temple turned out to be more Jedi Deep Space Craft that was in very good nick considering how long they’d had it parked.  
Just thirty days after the last ship carrying refuges had departed the crew of the science vessel SPUD watched in horror as the buildings on Coruscant sank in to the planet like a Mexican wave when the Jedi blasted off the planet in their restored space ship, leaving the planet looking like a demented cheese. As a result of the holo showing the death of Coruscant, several bounty’s were posted for the members of the Jedi Council for questioning and Tatooine had never looked so good to the Council before.  


.............................................................

The most of the Jedi found Tatooine simpler ambience agreed with them, allowing them to get closer to the Force.  


.............................................................

For other Jedi hiding in the Jundland Wastes, from the consequences of Master Vokara Che, they found comfort in the local Cantina.  
Which lead to the locals witnessing previously unparalleled sights, as Master Jedi Mace Windu could be found sitting next to Darth Maul beer in hand going “Che” “ Che” Followed by a gloomy voice saying “worse than the dark side , paperwork that woman generates is “ Master Yoda.  


.............................................................

At which point the three would pool their money to get blind drunk. Yoda turned out to be a bottomless pit while Maul was surprising light weight. A drunk Windu would stagger home with a drunk out of his skull Maul, leaving Yoda to fleece any visiting bounty hunters or smuggler into paying for his drinks.

.............................................................

Darth Maul after waking up hung over next to an equal hung over Master Windu would reciprocate with meat due to his greater skill at hunting. This happened so often that under local custom they were legal married. There’s currently an on going Sabacc game on Tatooine to find out who will be the unlucky sentient to tell them.

.............................................................

As for Master Che and the war. Well Master Che said “If you want to get a job done don't stop half way and call it okay”. Yes that’s right the Separatists were only the start plus she never did get to finish what she started back when she was a knight and it was long over due.


	5. How to drive a Sith Lord nuts?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anakin and Padme need to understand other people have boundarys

What happened Sidius, Anakin and Padme, well just as Skywalker had sprung forth from the Force so he returned taking his closest companions with him and just as Shiva dances on the head of the demon so do Anakin and Padme prevent Sidius from returning from the Force. Except its less dancing and more at like rabid bunny’s.  
.

And Sidius may find a way to kill himself if he has to hear. O Ani Oo O Aniiiiii, ,,,,,,,,,,,, Angel, Aaannnggeeeeeeeeel moaned one more time.  
.

Obi-wan is just grateful someone else is having to put up with Anakin and Padme’s badly dubbed porn soundtrack. For a politician and a super powered force user they were both strangely in capable of getting a hint.

Obi-wan who’s patience survived, Master Jinn if it can go wrong it will go wrong and if it doesn’t then Master Jinn will find a way to make more it far more complicated than it needs to be.  
Obi-wan who’s patience survived Master Jinn, Duchess Satine, more Mando’s than you can shake a stick at and his own hormones for a exceeding long year, came very close to borrowing Cody’s blaster and just shooting both of them. ……………………………………

I mean just how many times and ways can you ask some to kriffing shield their minds when they ****! If he didn’t know what a prude Anakin was he’d be convinced they found his unwilling participation in their activity’s a turn on.  
Hmm, knowing what Padme used to wear on a regular bases could be considered fetish wear maybe she was the kinky one. 

Given Anakin’s absolute gift for inconvenient timing, Cody and Obi-wan have both been extremely frustrated on many, many occasions  
There’s only so many times you can have your General and later lover crying with frustration on your shoulder because of two over active idiots, who can’t get a clue, are keeping him from getting any sleep (amongst other things) before you start dreaming of introducing them to the delights of thermal detonators up close. Helix would help him cover it up. 

Helix has a plan of his own because trying to keep the General healthy is hard enough without certain peoples actions causing loss of appetite, loss of sleep and the fact that he had to resort to conspiring with Kix to get his General laid just so his General could get some stress relieving endorphins is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAh............................. Helix throws his hands in the air.

Obi-wans is surprised to find running Mandlor is much easier that running the army and Cody is having a lot of fun coming up with new ways to show his husband just how much he loves him now they actually have time to rest and think. 

Helix and Kix are both happy that their General is now a health weight and getting enough sleep without them having to jump through hoops and conspire with half the GAR. Helix is particular happy due, to his General is now the Mand'alor and his Commander is the Mand'alor husband means there are even more people helping to keep his General that way.

Mandlorians adore their New Mand’alor as he’s found a way, for the pacifists to satisfy their aggression in a form that lets them keep their principals while ensuring that when the Mandos do go to war they hold the moral high ground and without driving the traditional Mando insane. His fairness to both sides is healing the rifts between the Traditionalists and the Pacifists Mandlorians and more and more of the warrior Mandlorians are coming home.


	6. Ti and Hardeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love ,the Force and the consequence there of

As the months drew on Master Shaak Ti became more and more worried about the Kaminoans. Setting the vode’s slicers to look for any clue while desperately calling on the Force to make clear the threat it was trying to warn her about.

When the slicers brought her the data file it seemed like nothing at first but on closer inspection and with her greater experience in the world Master Ti realised these were contingency plans for disposing of the vode should the republic cease to pay for their creation, more horrifying was the plans that considered that disposing of the product that had yet to be collected by customer and how to maximise profit from the now defunct product line involving the Separatists.

Only her years of mastery prevent the Huntress from tearing the Kaminoans limb from limb. She had lost three padawans, all due to events no one could prevent, but she would not lose the vode. She would knowingly set aside the Huntress and coldly fight to the last beat of her heart before she would surrender a single one of these bright little lights.  
Setting the vode to watch, Master Ti sent out a desperate request for help to all those who might be able to assist before setting down with the oldest vode to form contingency plans of their own to prevent the vode’s demise. 

Master Che was too far away but contacted her friends the Hitchhikers to pass the request to their version of Judicial/Military /Jedi. The Pards. Since they tended to keep an eye on the republic there was probably someone in range who could help. 

Mand'alor Kenobi made the call for any Mandlorian in the area to assist while he organised the ships to evacuate the vode.

Of the Mandlorians that answered the call Rako Hardeen was amongst the first to arrive. Master Shaak Ti and Rako Hardeens first meeting could almost be defined as love at first sight as the two experienced and battle hardened warriors reacted like two bashful teenagers. Despite the shy glances and cautious smiles both were too disciplined to act on their burgeoning feelings and set about organising the defence from the Separatists Battle Droids that were due to arrive in a weeks’ time due to the agreement the Kamianoan had made with them regarding their now defunct product line.

One week later and the Master Ti, the Vode and their allies hoped their preparations were enough as the Battles Droids began their attack in what appeared to be unending waves.

Forty-six hours later the Battle droids had start to overwhelm one entrance to the Sanctuary the defenders of the unborn vode had made when the Pard Forward Scout Ship Hunter of Shadows closed the gap by ramming the front of the ship though the first five levels of Tipico City. Designed to be able to hold its own with Dreadnoughts the Droids blasters were unable to get through the hull plating and those B2 that were on the other side were quickly taken out of the equation by the defenders. 

The Pards efficient military skills came in to play as they began offloading supply for the defence of Sanctuary. The Mandlorians initial sneering at the slug throwing weapons of the Pard, was soon silenced by seeing the Pard use their “primitive weapons” to take down everything that came their way and in one case a B2 droid was smashed to pieces by an irritated Pard soldier using his slug weapon as a mace before shooting a Commando Droid with a HiEx round.

Equally impressive was their force user who set up a Force shield that formed a sphere to protect the Sanctuary before joining the battle with their Trine mates, to bounce balls of white Force Lightning at the Droideka blowing them up while taking out the commando droids with staff and thrower. The Mandos found the Pard’s habit of betting on anything from who was going to die today to the most embarrassing injury slightly disconcerting. The Vode used to the Jedi just rolled with it. 

It took another three days of hard fighting before the Droids had been driven from Tipoca City, The Victory party or according to the Pard the We‘re Not Dead Yet party lasted a further twenty-three hours and when the victory party had started to wind down, people were sleeping anywhere they could and while the Pard’s Force user and trine mates had started snickering when the lights started flicking and the small earth tremors occurred no one thought anything of it, putting it down to battle damage and the amount of a booze that had been consumed. 

Seven months later when the last of the Vode had been decanted and tested positive for Force Sensitively as had all of their previous brothers that had still been in vats at the time of the battle along with a large number of the much younger vode questions of how/why were final answered by the Force users of the Pard .

" When a Force user truly loves someone when they make love then it makes more force users , the unborn are the most effected followed by proximity and age. The older the child the less it effects them. Adults tend to be affected by the emotion not the Force, causing them to love the one their with, and as this is part of the Living Force this tends to result in heightened fruitfulness in the participants."

Mand'alor Kenobi said “Well that explains the minor baby boom amongst those who went to help, now all we need to do is work out who”….. Obi-wan trailed off.

As all eyes turned to a very pregnant Master Shaak Ti serenely holding hands with a blushing Rako Hardeen behind her. 

“I truly believe that my Husband and I were guided by the Force to gift them with this, as none now can dispute that these are all my sons. We will liaise with the Pard’s Forged to ensure this will not happen again unless the Force or sentiments desire it so” and with that Master Shaak Ti sailed out of the conference room followed by her adoring husband.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may re do the battle later if I think I can do it better. From here on out updates will be slow and sporadic as I work on my other sandpits and add chapters as I get ideas that fit. Please feel free to make your own versions or take sections and expand them, I only ask that you let me know so I can enjoy your version of my crazy  
> Thanks for reading

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing and please feel free to play with these ideas. just let me know so I can enjoy your take on my crazy


End file.
